Here is our 2009 holiday tree courtesy of Borders (where I found the hot pink tree) a bit of printing and my hot glue gun with glittery glue. I hope this makes you smile. I’ll use the back of it to “model” our Winter Festival prizes, which you’ll be hearing more about soon!

When characters exchange looks, or glances, many authors have their “eyes” do all the work. After all, it’s easy to type, “Their eyes met.” Except, if you have a critique partner, or an editor such as myself, who has a sarcastic sense of humor, then the immediate image that enters the reader’s mind is of their eyes popping out of their heads, ambling across the floor, shaking hands and exchanging pleasantries. Or even worse, “his eyes roamed over her.” Well, unless he’s a zombie, and his eyes popped out of his head to slide all sticky and slimy over her body, his gaze, his attention, or his focus is going to be doing the roaming, not his eyes.

Plus there’s so much more that goes into a look besides the eyes. Does the character duck her head and glance through her bangs? Does he stare boldly? Is he nervously fiddling with his fingers while glancing in her direction? When we look at something, our emotions and our body language oftentimes say a lot more than our eyes.

It’s also a really easy fix in a manuscript.  Which means that it’s one of those little polish points that an author can do to make her work more professional.

So remember, unless it’s a cybernetic eye that someone can take out and affix to spider-like legs to let it roam at will (Red Dwarf fans will remember Kryten doing this. And Babylon 5 fans should remember G’Kar taking out his prosthetic eye and staring at himself in it.), the eyes shouldn’t go off on excursions on their own.

Personally, I find first person stories a hard sell with me, and that’s because like the nursery rhyme said about the little girl with a curl, “when she is bad, she’s really really horrid.” So, too, with the first person point of view.

I find the best first person stories (see Cheryl Dragon’s, Best in Bed) have a first person point of view that is a character’s unique voice. Whether it’s Harry Dresden or Carrie Bradshaw, I feel an instant connection with the character. With Cheryl’s book, it was a triple home run, because each of the female leads has her own voice and they’re all unique. The voice makes the book more intimate, makes the setting all the more familiar. We walk the streets of New York City with Carrie Bradshaw, meeting Mr. Big at all the best clubs. Cheryl takes us into Chicago and makes the city a character with her use of the first person voice.

First person lends an immediacy to the story. In a historical tale, the first person narrator can bring us closer to the action and make us think that we are in Regency England or the American Frontier.

So what do you need to watch out for in first person?

It is easy for an author who hasn’t honed her craft to falter with first person. It lends itself to lazy writing, telling rather than showing. Watch out for lots of I did this and I did that paragraphs. The emotion fades away, which is a hallmark of a first person narrator telling the story, rather than showing it through their eyes.

It also can create infodumps. The narrator stops the action to relate a long string of events, some of which may not even be germane to the story. A lot of times these are side, or parenthetical remarks, that are supposed to add character, but really add boredom.
First person tales can also be skimmable tales. You know the ones where you scroll the mouse or the page (or turn them rather quickly), hitting the high points of the story because you don’t get any meat to the tale. If the reader finds herself going “yeah, yeah yeah” when reading the story, then it’s skimmable, and not at all engaging.

The truth is, the pitfalls with first person also occur in third; they just stand out more in first person. It can, however, create quite the engaging story, and when used effectively, can be a point of view that offers the reader the best view into the action. I encourage authors who wish to use first person to do so sparingly, and make sure they have plenty of beta readers familiar enough with first person pitfalls to really mark up the manuscript. That way, when it’s finished, it will shine.

Uprooted by Jasmine Aherne
contemporary sensual romance novel
price $4.95
Cover Art by: Valerie Tibbs
IBSN#: 978-0-98254358-0

BLURB:
Landscape designer Marianne Dawson thinks she’s whacked her head pretty hard when she wakes up in hospital tothe handsome face of Dr. Noah Campbell. They hit it off, but the emergency ward is too busy to get friendly. Mari’s delighted when Noah turns out to be the blind date she agreed to as a favor for a friend.

Noah finds himself falling for Mari’s sharp wit and ready smile, but his life’s complicated enough as it is – he’s just found out he has a twelve-year-old daughter, and he needs serious help becoming a father. With Mari’s help, however, the sulky girl blooms, and they start to form a family.

But Mari’s struggling with her own internal demons and what will she do when a difficult choice threatens everything she and Noah have built together?

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